Parenthood is a highwire act, requiring a balance between strictness and leniency. Your children need enough structure to prepare for the future and become responsible adults, but enough free time to still act like kids. It’s tricky to toe this line between nurturing and tough love.
The balancing act doesn’t go away when your children grow up, but it does shift in nature. That is, the nature of the question becomes a financial one: You don’t want your adult children to suffer unnecessarily when you have the means to help them, but you also don’t want them to be so spoiled that they never learn how to support themselves.
Today, I’ll discuss ways that parents of adult children can find that balance. What’s financially feasible varies by family—the amount of support one set of parents can provide won’t be the same as what another set (or what a single parent) might be able to offer. So rather than exact advice you should follow to the letter, consider the following as a way to frame your thinking about supporting adult children.
Here are the dos and don’ts of financially supporting your fully grown children.
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Table of Contents
How Common Is Supporting Your Adult Children?
Some parents completely cut their children off financially when they graduate high school. Others are willing to pay for all of their adult children’s expenses indefinitely. Most parents fall between these extremes and provide a limited amount of support to their adult children until they are financially stable.
According to a 2024 Savings.com survey …
— 47% of parents with adult children (excluding children with disabilities) provide them with some form of financial support.
— About 61% of adults who live with their parents don’t pay rent or otherwise contribute to household expenses.
— 46% of parents who financially support adult children give them money for vacations and discretionary spending.
— 18% of parents who financially support adult children help them pay off credit cards.
We aren’t just talking about teenage adults either. Millennials and even members of Gen X receive monetary help from their parents.
It’s common to help your kids out a bit as they adjust to normal adult expenses; a little help likely won’t set them up for failure.
Unfortunately, supporting adult children can sometimes lead to parents developing their own financial struggles. About 58% of the Savings.com survey respondents said they have sacrificed their own financial security for the sake of their adult children. And that’s the point at which “common” doesn’t necessarily line up with “wise.”
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When Should You Financially Support Adult Children?
When you support your adult children, you want to provide them with stepping stones—paying for things that set them up to be independent on their own—rather than carry them through life.
Often, that means offering help only if there is proof your adult child is working toward financial independence or another goal. Nearly two-thirds (74%) of parents put contingencies on their support, such as their children needing jobs, avoiding certain behaviors, or attending therapy, per a 2023 USA Today survey. Other times, it means providing essentials, such as food and shelter, but not luxuries.
But when it comes to how much financial support to give, the answer isn’t based solely on what’s best for your adult children—you must consider yourself, too.
Because you’re older, you have less time to make up for shortcomings in your retirement plan. So while you might want to help your younger children, the line should be drawn at putting yourself in debt or otherwise sacrificing your future. For example, if you don’t have enough saved for your own retirement … you probably want to reconsider paying for your child’s college tuition.
All of the following suggestions are based on the assumption that supporting your child in these ways is financially feasible for you. If any of these forms of support put a strain on your finances to the point where you can’t afford essentials, you shouldn’t do them.
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1. Housing
Homeownership remains a pivotal part of the American Dream—according to the Harris Poll’s The Status of Real Estate in 2024 survey, 81% of respondents said they want to own a house/residence one day. Unfortunately, 61% worry that they’ll never be able to, and costs are a major reason why.
At the same time, rents have skyrocketed nationwide. A StreetEasy study, using data from the Zillow Observed Rent Index, found that between 2019 and 2023, rent costs grew faster than wages in 44 of the 50 largest metros.
Some parents look forward to the day they become empty nesters and might struggle with how to achieve that goal. Our thoughts?
Do consider letting your children keep living with you temporarily as adults.
You might let your adult children live with you while they get a college degree, attend a trade school, or start a career. You might let your kids move back home after college as they apply for jobs as well.
In high-cost-of-living cities, it might be impossible for your child to find safe accommodations with their current salary. It’s easier to find a job where you’re living than to secure employment elsewhere. Even in low-cost-of-living areas, saving enough for a home down payment while paying rent can be impossible. Assuming your child is indeed setting aside money for their future, this is one of the best ways for them to save money quickly.
Don’t completely pay for an apartment for your child. That might sound preferable if you can afford it, as doing so would help you retain your personal space, but a 100% free apartment might put your child out of touch with current housing costs. Alternatively, offer your child a set amount you’ll pay toward housing.
Don’t be afraid to put conditions on these arrangements, either. Many parents will let adult children live with them, but only if they are attending school or working. Some parents have their children pay them some portion of rent—and sometimes, as additional incentive, they’ll return that money once the child is able to move out.
Related: Should I Pay Off My Mortgage Before I Retire?
2. Food
The previously mentioned USA Today survey showed that groceries were the most common type of support parents give their adult children. More than a quarter (27%) of respondents said they helped their adult children with groceries, while 18% said they paid for take-out food or dining out.
Do include your adult child in family meals. Unless you’re making Kobe beef, making an extra serving of a meal usually doesn’t cost much more money, especially if you buy in bulk. This can also be a great opportunity to bond with your child and catch up on their lives. You may naturally learn how school, work, or a job search is going.
Don’t give your child an unlimited budget for food delivery or dining out. If your kid can drive, you shouldn’t constantly be footing the bill for them to have food delivered. It’s one thing to treat your child to a dinner out. It’s another to always pay for it even if you aren’t in attendance. If your adult child doesn’t want to eat the dinner you’ve made, it’s reasonable for them to handle feeding themselves another way.
Also, consider asking your child to occasionally cook. Adults of any age should be able to wash their own dishes after a meal or load them into a dishwasher as well. Helping them with high food prices doesn’t mean you need to be a short-order cook and dishwasher, too.
Related: Cooking Costs Heating Up? Here’s How to Save Money Cooking
3. Healthcare
Assuming your health insurance plan covers dependents, you can typically have adult children on your plan until they turn 26 years old. This is an option even if your kid is married, also a parent, isn’t claimed as a tax dependent, and has the opportunity for job-based coverage (if they turn it down). In some situations, your child might even be able to stay on your insurance until an older age.
But just because your child can stay on your plan that long doesn’t mean you have to let them.
Do keep your child on your health insurance if it doesn’t raise your premiums. Often, if you already have other dependents on your plan, such as a minor child or your spouse, it doesn’t cost you more money to include your adult child. Don’t make your child unnecessarily pay for health care premiums when they could instead save that money for other expenses.
Even if it does cost you to include your child, you still might want to add them. If your child doesn’t have a job that offers health insurance yet, your insurance could still be the best option.
Don’t automatically put your child on your health care plan if they live far away. If you have a Health Maintenance Organization (HMO) plan, it typically requires you to get care from medical professionals who work for or contract with the HMO, except for emergencies. If you live in Maine and your kid moved to California, it might not make sense to have them on your plan as most care would be out-of-network and likely very expensive.
Related: Retired But Too Young for Medicare? Health Insurance for Early Retirees
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4. Higher Education
It’s no secret: Higher education prices can be exorbitant. According to the Education Data Initiative, the average cost of a four-year postsecondary undergraduate degree program for full-time students (including tuition, books, supplies, and other daily living expenses) is $38,270 … per year.
We know the perks. A university degree can make it much easier to land a high-paying job. The path to this achievement nets other benefits too, such as learning vital social skills, making professional connections, and, of course, knowing more about our big, wide world.
Do help your children with tuition costs and other necessary supplies as you can. On average, federal student loan debt sits around $38,000, with some students racking up six figures’ worth. Every dollar in student loans your child doesn’t have to take out is many dollars they don’t have to pay back down the line. Plus, the learned skills and resume boost will increase their chances of finding work, which could prevent them from having to rely on you more in the future.
Also, do suggest methods that could bring down the cost of schooling, even if paying for college would be feasible for you. Require your child to apply for scholarships or grants. Limit your child to in-state and/or public schools rather than out-of-state and/or private schools.
Some parents also forbid adult children from pursuing certain degrees, but it’s worth noting that there are high-paying jobs you can get with “vanity degrees.” So, if your child has a plan for how they want to use a seemingly “useless” degree, it’s with hearing them out.
Don’t feel as if you can’t put any contingencies in place. For example, you might require your child to maintain a certain grade point average (GPA) to continue paying tuition every semester. (After all, if your child flunks out of college, that’s a lot of money down the drain.)
Related: How to Pay for College [12 Ways to Save for Tuition + More]
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5. Co-signing Loans
Your child might not ask you to fully pay for something, but rather co-sign for something they intend to pay for on their own. Maybe your child has bad credit, or maybe they simply haven’t established a credit history.
There may be situations where your child doesn’t ask you to fully pay for something, but rather co-sign for something they intend to pay for on their own. When you co-sign a loan with your child, you agree to pay back the loan if your kid stops paying it. You might be asked to co-sign if your child has bad credit or simply hasn’t established enough of a credit history.
Do consider co-signing a loan if you already planned on footing the bill. For example, if you have an agreement with your child that you’ll help pay for their education or a car, you aren’t risking paying more money than you planned. It gives your child an opportunity to build credit, and you’re not taking on much more risk than anticipated.
Don’t jump to co-sign a loan if it’s an expense your child plans to pay, but they’ve shown themselves to be financially irresponsible. If your kid’s poor credit score makes banks hesitant to trust them, you might want to be similarly hesitant. Of course, you know your child’s circumstances better than the bank, and can more easily determine how at fault they are for a poor credit score.
And don’t co-sign a large loan, such as a mortgage—even if your child is responsible—unless you can absolutely afford those payments. If your child faces a financial crisis, not only could you be left on the hook to finish the payments—it could end up hurting your credit score in retirement, and you might still need strong credit to get home refinancing, a new credit card, and other monetary endeavors.
Related: 9 Financial Mistakes That Can Quickly Drain Your Retirement Savings
6. Luxuries
Should you only help your child out with essentials? Or should you give them special treats sometimes?
No matter what their age, your adult child is still your offspring and it can be hard to see them forgo items or experiences that could bring them happiness. At the same time, you aren’t doing your kids any favors if they become overly spoiled and entitled.
Do celebrate your child’s birthdays and special occasions. Don’t be a Grinch during the holidays and insist your kid is too old for any type of gift, or fail to give a wedding present because you think marriage doesn’t warrant a party. The occasional treat for no reason at all is fine, too. Even adults deserve some fun.
Don’t be a human credit card. Don’t fund all of your child’s luxury purchases, such as designer bags and endless international travel. If you cover most of your kid’s discretionary purchases, they’ll be far less likely to understand the value of money and less motivated to earn anything on their own.
Additionally, pay attention to whether you’re indirectly funding your child’s luxuries. Perhaps you’re letting your child live with you for free and covering all of their groceries with the understanding that they are setting aside the money they’re saving for a house down payment. There is nothing wrong with that! But if that same child ends up going on vacation to the Maldives and comes back wearing head-to-toe Gucci, it might be time to rethink your arrangement.
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How to Financially Prepare Your Child
You want your children to achieve financial independence as young as possible. You should be a backup plan, not Plan A.
You can help your child learn financial skills far before they reach adulthood, helping them more easily transition into making sound monetary decisions once they grow up.
Teach your children financial subjects such as budgeting and how compound interest works. You can teach them responsible spending habits through children’s bank accounts and kids’ debit cards. And if you don’t feel like you were born with innate money management skills, you can encourage your children to take financial classes in school or at least read relevant books.
Besides teaching them the necessary financial skills they’ll need, the more money your children have saved by adulthood, the better prepared they will be. You can save college money for them in a 529 account, have them put aside some of their own earnings in a Roth IRA, or set up a custodial account for them. There are even microsavings apps that help people save little by little.
The more knowledge and the more money your child has as they reach adulthood, the better off they’ll be.
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Do you want to get serious about saving and planning for retirement? Sign up for Retire With Riley, Young and the Invested’s free retirement planning newsletter.
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As even novice investors probably know, funds—whether they’re mutual funds or exchange-traded funds (ETFs)—are the simplest and easiest ways to invest in the stock market. But the best long-term stocks also offer many investors a way to stay “invested” intellectually—by following companies they believe in. They also provide investors with the potential for outperformance.
So if you’re looking for a starting point for your own portfolio, look no further. Check out our list of the best long-term stocks for buy-and-hold investors.
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The vast majority of American dividend stocks pay regular, reliable payouts—and they do so at a more frequent clip (quarterly) than dividend stocks in most other countries (typically every six months or year).
Still, if you’ve ever thought to yourself, “it’d sure be nice to collect these dividends more often,” you don’t have to look far. While they’re not terribly common, American exchanges boast dozens of monthly dividend stocks.
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